Time of Esther

      I am that person who has a few irons on the fire and at times I take them off too early or too late and a mess ensues.  But, in general I endeavor to keep them all at a steady temperature so they are useful tools in The Master's hands.  But have you ever put an iron on the fire that wasn't supposed to be there in the first place? 

      I recently accepted a position that God didn't intend for me to occupy. I had a plan to fulfill God's plan for my life. In short, I put myself in the enemy's snare. I allowed myself to be beat up spiritually. For a while during this time I kept saying to myself and others that felt beat up. I would even be in church during praise and worship and just weep like you weep when you go to your dad or mom when life is hitting you hard and up until that point you had been able to hold it together.  And when they ask you if everything is ok you fall all the way apart.  In this position I prayed and prayed but it never really seemed to work.  I never seemed to be able to pull it together like I knew I was capable of.  Then it occurred to me that I never asked God to guide my job search. I just had it resolved in my mind that I wanted to work at the university in a med/surge unit and work my way into the Labor and Delivery department.  I never asked God if that was the plan He had for me. 

      Here I am almost four months later battered and bruised and in need of healing because I didn't seek God's guidance. My pride and arrogance cost me  time and a great deal of pain.

      The lesson I am taking away this experience is this; I am definitely a consecrated being. My success is inextricably tied to the guidance of God Almighty. I have been set aside for an appointed purpose and there is really no way around it. He had has placed favor on my life and that is recognizable, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten that job. I'm not trying to sound conceded. I have just realized that on my own I am not that great. But the Lord in the midst of me is mighty and people are drawn to that. When I stay in a position of humility before God I find success. When I function based upon what I think and my own short sightedness I FAIL epically. It is  quite amazing.

      I have experienced this in much smaller degrees in the past. This just goes to show the mercy of God is deep and His longsuffering is real.  Thanks be to God!

You may be saying, what does this have to do with Esther?  I'm glad you asked. A few months back the Lord shared with me that I was going to go through a time of Esther. Specifically the preparation time she went through before she was presented to the king.             This time was to be a year long. Six months spent bathing in bitter herbs for the purpose of cleansing and the next six months in milk and sweet smelling spices. I would say this last few months have been very bitter.  It has brought to my awareness the ugly or dirty parts of my soul. 

       I am grateful for this experience. Although it has been hard to see rebellion and arrogance within me.  Mainly because I have thought of myself as obedient and as a child who seeks the Father's plan. Apparently not. Now is the time to change. I have asked for forgiveness and repented. 

      My encouragement for you is to search yourself for the truth of what God's plan is for you. Ask God to show you where you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to be doing. It sounds quite simple but it can be the hardest thing. Because it requires us to relinquish control of your own direction on the most rudimentary levels.  It requires truth on the inward parts. We have to face our own desires and the fact that often times they differ from what God wants and has planned for us.  Psalm 51 is David's lament to the Lord after he had done wrong and realized that he was out of line with God and wanted to be reconnected. In it David says in verse 6, "Behold You desire truth in the hidden part.  You will make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me and I shall be whiter than snow." vs 10 then says, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, steadfast spirit within me."

      This time of Esther has been painful but good. He is creating in me a clean heart and renewing a right spirit within me. I am excited to see what I will be on the other side. Thank you Jesus for choosing me.

Happy New Year

Thanks be unto God who causes us to triumph!

My theme for the past couple of years, I have been privy to God revealing new layers of this scripture for me at many different levels of my life.  I am and have been on a journey to becoming a nurse. 

Beginning January 2009, I went to college with a final intent in mind.  I had this resolve in my mind that if I didn't commit myself to this I would never become who God created, fashioned, and ordained me to be.  I had been through many things in my life and had been delayed and distracted for much of my life.  From childhood I had knowledge of my father and even knew where and how to contact him.  The thing is, during the sporadic, brief encounters I had with my father growing up, I was always disappointed. As a young adult I married a man who ended up being very similar to my mother (shhh, don't tell her I said so.  ;-)). As I began to grow in my relationship with God I grew to know more about myself and who I am.  Without turning this into a book, I'll cut to the chase and say I have been through a great deal over the span of my life.  I would not change much.  The only thing I would have done differently is I would have opened my eyes to who God made me to be earlier.  I would have had that A-Ha! moment much sooner.  However, I do love living my life now, hardship and all.  I understand that these situations are building me, making me stronger and affording me an opportunity to see a new facet of God that I wouldn't see otherwise.  I AM GRATEFUL!

Fast forward to 2014, I am a student still.  I have transferred to the college of my dreams, Mount Carmel College of Nursing.  I am living in this surreal state, on one hand I can't believe I am here and on the other hand I am coming face to face with the realization of the gravity of the role I am undertaking.  I will be responsible for the care of people in some of their most vulnerable states.  I have their life and well-being in my hands.  I CAN'T DO THIS WITHOUT GOD, I REFUSE TO.  The cost is too high.

I said all this to say, join me on this journey to Ever Reaching Life.  I will be documenting my journey the rest of the way through nursing school and my adventure into God's word to bring the two together as well as increasing my relationship with Him.  As I stated before, I refuse to do it without Him.  I need Him too much.  So come along for the journey.

Love ya!
S~

Realizations of this Mom

This may very well be the quickest post ever.  But I feel the need to get this out there.  I have come into contact with some of the most exhilarating moments and the most heart wrenching realizations of my life in the past 36 hours.

As a mother the most wonderful things you can experience is see your child experience joy; one of the most horrible things you can witness is your child experience pain.  The kind of pain that is inflicted by you.  This past weekend I was able to see both.

It was our "Not Christmas" weekend.  They were super happy because we got to celebrate each other.  The flip side of the weekend was the heart to heart talk my daughter and I had.  She expressed to me some things I had said to her that made her close off and not want to talk to me anymore.  The last thing in the world I have ever wanted to do is make an environment for my daughters to not want to come and talk to me.  The good news is we were able to talk through the situation and now we are on good footing.

She is 1 of my 3 greatest treasures!

The thing that I am most impressed by is the fact that God knew I needed to do some repair work with my girl and He blocked me going to school this semester so that I would be present and available to get the done.  So in short I am entirely thankful that I am in good with the King of all creation. He does all things well and He is lovely in my eyes.  David knew what he was talking about when he said, You are beautiful for every situation!!!

I Love YOU LORD!!!!!

New legacy

I haven't written here in quite some time. I feel compelled to today.

The other day I had what I will call a flashback. In this flashback I saw my mother at the sink as if she were washing dishes she was singing a song I remember her singing often when I was a child. The words to this song were: I know The Lord will make a way somehow, when beneath the cross I bow. He will take away each sorrow. Let him have your burdens now. When the load of life is heavy and the weight shows on my brow. He will take away each sorrow, The Lord will make a way some how.

As I began to sing the song myself I realized that I too sing that song often and I am sure it is within the earshot of my children. That's when it hit me. That's how legacy happens. At least spiritual legacy. It is wonderful to tell our children they can trust God. But when they don't see evidence of us working on trusting Him they don't have anything concrete that says to them they can trust Him. My mother passed that legacy of faith and trust in The Lord, I am doing the same. Which means my children will too. Now, don't get me wrong I don't think it's just in the singing of a song. I sing the song to remind myself not to fret or fear when things don't seem to be going well. In this song are the components if the covenant I have with the creator of the universe. When beneath the cross I bow He will take care of all that plagues my life. I know The Lord will make a way somehow. It doesn't always seem apparent to me what His plan is, the only thing I need to know is that He will work it out as long as I stay submitted and committed to the cross.  What a wonderful assurance is mine!  I love me some Jesus!!!!!

Be blessed!!!
*S*